I have this deep desire to meditate in prayer beyond the limitations of our earthly understandings. Not that I necessarily want to have answers to long questioned mysteries of life or that I want to see into my future, or anything. I just want to be with God. I want to know His presence, to feel His presence. I have felt this before and I could stay there, dwelling in His shadows, forever. One day we will! This excites me. When I told a friend once about my deep desire to feel the Holy Spirit all the time, she reminded me that if feeling God's presence was a daily occurence that we wouldn't want much to do with our families or earthly responsibilities. I suppose this is true. Still I yearn for Him. That indescribable peace, the lifting of our spirits above the chaos of this earth. Where we dance like we are walking on air, moving for the sheer joy of being one of God's children....free!
I crouch in my family room behind the computer chair where I can blast my laptop and read. Pathetic sight, I know, and I'm not even really reading. I'm holding the book open but I am overcome with emotion, not tears, but emotion, and the dizzy feelings in my head have blurred my vision. There is a smile on my face and I want to jump up and run through rivers and feel the earth between my fingertips. I want to go to the beautiful. Come and take me away.
I want to reach that utopia, the garden of Eden, the presence of the Holy Spirit, an escape to somewhere where I can feel the most beautiful thing in the world...pure love.
For now its quiet time in the family room. But at least I'm smiling.
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